you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
