you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
