talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
