my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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