I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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