i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize