I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
