90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize