im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
