He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
