Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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