How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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