The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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