My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
