Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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