That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
