I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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