i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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