i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
