So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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