So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
