He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
