There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
