The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
