I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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