nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
