i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
