hell yes lets make some ravioli
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
