I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.