Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.