Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.