Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.