i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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