My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
