this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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