I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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