Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
