Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
