I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
