I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
