Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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