I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
