Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
