dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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