i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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