i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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