imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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