buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
