i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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