dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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