Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize