boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
