im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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