At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
