I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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