I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Randomize
