According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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