My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
