is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
