I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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