i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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