OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
