at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
