Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
