My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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