Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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