it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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