That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
