i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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