a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
