Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
