Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
