i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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