at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
