I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
