My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
