So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
