Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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