Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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