so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
