I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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