weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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