whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
