Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
