i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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