upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
