just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
