so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
