I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
