Don't you send me to vm
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
