I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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