I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
